New mum FAQs

There are some questions that every new mum will find themselves asking. Here's a list in one place to make it easy for you! Plus links to additional information where applicable. Remember, every baby is unique and develops at their own pace. Tune into your instincts and parent in a way that feels right for you and your little one.

Feeding

Is my baby getting enough milk?

This is one of the most common worries especially when you're still getting to know your baby. Feeding very frequently is normal for newborns and doesn’t necessarily mean there is a problem. Signs to look for include regular wet and dirty nappies, steady weight gain, and your baby seeming settled after most feeds.

From the fourth day, they should do at least 2 soft, yellow poos the size of a £2 coin every day for the first few weeks.
From day 5 onwards, wet nappies should start to become more frequent, with at least 6 heavy, wet nappies every 24 hours. In the first 48 hours, your baby is likely to have only 2 or 3 wet nappies. (What do newborn nappies look like?)

If you're breastfeeding, you should also watch your baby as they feed to look for the pattern: frequent sucks to stimulate the milk, then gulping or swallowing as milk flows. Also notice whether your breasts feel drained afterwards.

You should expect to feed your baby 8-12 times during 24 hours. Every baby will have slightly different feeding patterns but as long as they are having enough feeds in total and all other indicators are good then your baby is getting enough.

- NHS website: Is my baby getting enough milk?

- La Leche League: Is my baby getting enough?

- NHS: Breastfeeding in the first few days

How do I know if I have enough milk (if breastfeeding)?

The key is to follow your baby. As above notice if there are signs that your baby is getting enough. If you're still concerned then start with making sure you are getting a good deep latch. You could seek support with this at a local breastfeeding group or book a private lactation consultant. Go back to basics and focus on spotting those early feeding cues and feeding baby responsively, i.e. when they show feeding cues rather than to a schedule. Your body will only produce milk as required so if you frequently skip feeds then your body will think it needs to reduce supply. Understand that your baby will also feed for different reasons, if they are unwell, unsettled, sleepy and frequency can change during illness or development stages.

- UNICEF Positioning & Attachment Video

- La Leche League: My baby needs more milk

- NHS Understanding Milk Supply: Breastfeeding

How often should I feed my baby?

Follow your baby's lead, respond to early feeding cues and not by the clock. You baby should be having 8-12 feeds in 24 hours as a newborn. Every baby is different so try not to compare and focus on meeting the needs of your baby.

- Kelly Mom - Hunger Cues- When do I feed baby?

Is cluster feeding normal? Is it normal for my baby to be fussy every evening?

Yes. Regardless of whether you breastfeed or bottle feed. Cluster feeding (lots of feeds close together, often in the evening) is very normal, especially in the first few weeks. It doesn’t mean you aren't feeding your baby enough or you have low milk supply if breastfeeding, if baby is content outside of these times. They may be fussy whilst feeding - on and off, frustrated and not their usual selves - again this is normal and part of it. It’s how babies boost supply and seek comfort. Not always, but sometimes it is followed by a longer stretch of sleep so this might be an opportunity for you to also get some sleep. Baby's tend to grow out of cluster feeding around 3-4 months old so in the meantime just lean into it, get comfortable and have water and snacks handy and use it as a time to rest before the night shift.

- KellyMom - Cluster Feeding and Fussy Evenings

- NHS - Cluster Feeding

Breastfeeding hurts - is that normal?

Some tenderness at first can be normal as you get the hang of things, but ongoing pain usually isn’t. It can often be helped with small adjustments to positioning or latch.

If the pain is worse at the start of a feed and continues beyond a few seconds, i.e. once baby settles into the feed, then it's likely that the position and attachment needs tweaking. Ideally you want your baby to positioned so that your nipple goes deep into their mouth so that aren't sucking it like a straw or it gets squashed by the hard part of the roof your their mouth. Other indicators that position isn't optimal are that your nipple is almost 'lip stick' shape at the end of a feed, you have cracked or sore nipples, your nipple appears white, i.e. blood flow has been restricted.

- The Breastfeeding Network: Pain: If breastfeeding hurts

Other situations in which you may experience some pain sensations include, a strong let down where you feel vibrations, tingling or shooting pains in your breast at the start of a feed. You could consider expressing a little before a feed to ease the flow before latching baby on. Taking some deep, slow breaths and trying to relax rather than tense up can help.

- The Australian Breastfeeding Association: Your let down reflex and milk flow

If your breasts are very engorged then you may experience pain during the feeds until this returns to normal. You may consider 'reverse pressure softening' technique: here.

Ultimately you shouldn't feel pain is normal during breastfeeding and should seek support to make things more comfortable.

Should I wake my baby to feed them?

Until your baby is back up to their birth weight then yes you will need to wake them to feed if its to meet 8-12 feeds in 24 hours. You may find the feeds are shorter or baby even remains asleep. It can also be important to continue to feed during the night if you're trying to increase your milk supply. Speak to your Health Visitor about your individual baby and get their advice.

- La Leche League: Sleepy baby and what to do

Practical Baby Care

Caring for umbilical cord:

It will drop off between day 5-15. Keep it dry until then so avoid baths or be very careful of that area.

When can I bath my baby? How often should I bath my baby?

You don't need to bathe your baby every day. You may prefer to wash their face, neck, hands and bottom carefully instead. Called "topping and tailing". Fill a tub with warm water and use soft cotton pads to dip and wipe over your baby from head to toe. Do not double dip and use new pads for each area.

Bath tips:

Choose a time when your baby is awake and content.
Make sure the room is warm.
Get everything ready beforehand: you'll need a bowl of warm water, a towel, cotton wool pads or a soft baby sponge or flannel, a fresh nappy and, if necessary, clean clothes.
Hold baby with their head in your elbow and use your free hand to sloosh them. when using a bath, check temperature, likely to cry, keep brief.
Wash hair over bowl first and clean their bottoms before putting into bath
Don’t need to use any products
Skin will get dry, cradle cap and will like have baby acne, all normal
Could offer a massage afterwards

- NHS: Caring for your baby

- NHS Best Start in Life: Practical Baby Care including vitamins, vaccinations, dressing and changing etc.

Infant Sleep

Safe Sleep Guidance

The safest place for your baby to sleep is on a firm, clear surface i.e. a cot, moses basket or 'next to me' crib. Place them down on their back, 'foot to foot' i.e. their feet at the foot of their bed. The temperature of the room should be 16 - 20 degrees. The NHS also recommends that you and your baby sleep in the same room until their are at least 6 months old. Avoid loose blankets so dress them in sleeping bags with appropriate tog weights and do not use bumpers.

The Lullaby Trust has the go-to website for all guidance: www.lullabytrust.org.uk

- Co-sleeping Safely

- Slings and Swaddling

- Car seat safety

- Dummies

Why won’t my baby sleep in the crib / off me?

This is extremely common and normal, although can be very frustrating. Many newborns want to be close, remember the world they've come from in the womb and they also don't realise they are a separate being to mum, they want to be connected. This is all part of the transformation during the Fourth Trimester. I know it's intense now but your baby will be so different by 3 or 4 months old and may be ready to start sleeping off you. But some baby's may not so it could be worth reading up about safe co sleeping so you get rest too. Your baby isn't able to form bad habits so let go of any worries and extra pressure there.

- Co-sleeping Safely

Is it normal for my baby to sleep so little / wake frequently?

Yes. Newborn sleep is very different from adult sleep. During the Fourth Trimester sleep is different to any other stage and your baby will be at their most needy and intense - that's normal! Newborns often only sleep for short bursts. Newborns don't have a Circadian Rhythm so they don’t know the difference between night and day so their sleep patterns may not fit ours. They also don’t produce much Melatonin (the sleep hormone that regulates sleep cycles) for the first 3-4 months.

Young babies only sleep with full tummies. They have tiny capacity in their tummies so it is normal for them to wake frequently to feed at night during their first year.
Keep in mind the world they have just left: safe, warm, dark, rocked to sleep and never hungry whilst in the womb. You can try to replicate those things in this world to reassure them and support them to sleep.
A sling can really help with day sleep and for partners to support you as your baby is likely to settle on them in a sling.
Young babies get very overstimulated quickly and can only stay awake for short periods. Under 12 weeks they will generally get tired and need a nap after 45 minutes - 1 hour on average (although all babies are different!).
Watch your baby to try and pick up on their early sleep cues especially as you move towards the end of the Fourth Trimester (eye tugging, avoiding eye contact, eye rubbing etc). You’re your baby’s expert and together you can support them to sleep well as they grow.
The ‘Moro’ or Startle reflex, not yet integrated, can often wake a baby especially on transfer to a cot/moses basket. Swaddling can really help if you choose to use it or a swaddle suit.

During this intense period, use whatever works to encourage sleep and avoid the baby getting overtired, whilst being safe. Use the buggy, car seat, sling, rocking, white/pink noise, dark and warm environment etc. The Fourth Trimester time to learn about each other so be gentle with each other, manage expectations and keep life simple for a while.

Should I introduce a bedtime routine for my baby?

Ask yourself why you want to implement a routine? If because you need a routine, you like structure, and it helps you feel more sane in this crazy world of motherhood then great, go for it! If it’s because you feel you should be following a routine then don’t. There are no shoulds in the world of parenting. Every baby and family is different.

Babies like routine but they often only like their routine, not the one you want them to follow, especially in the early months. Some respond really well to a structured routine. Others will really fight it. Try different things until you find what works for both of you, and make sure your partner learns it too.
You might feel ready to start a short bedtime routine coming out of the Fourth Trimester or want to wait until they're older, it's personal choice. You will fall into a pattern / routine of sorts anyway by following your baby’s lead.

If you do want to bring some routine into your days other than just at bedtime, a great option is the E.A.S.Y routine:

EAT, ACTIVITY, SLEEP, YOU
It’s simple and helps break the most common sleep association of needing to feed to get to sleep whilst being as flexible or fixed in terms of timings, as you like.

How can I help my little one to sleep more?

It's tends to make more sense to wait until your little one is beyond the Fourth Trimester before working on their sleep. Obviously making sure they are in a good feeding routine and generally well and thriving first. Some tips:

Sleep Breeds Sleep: An overtired baby is very hard to calm and convince to go to sleep. Keep learning those early sleep cues.
Darkness is your Friend: darkness helps encourage production of Melatonin (sleep hormone). Use black out blinds esp. in summer.
Introduce a Bedtime or Nap Routine: generally by 4 - 6 months you'll find your baby is ready for an earlier bedtime (6-8 pm). May not sleep through the night yet though! You might be able to settle them in their own bed for the first block of sleep.
- If your baby becomes hard to settle then bring bedtime forward / earlier.
- Have a short routine that is the same every day e.g. 15-20 min of calm / wind down bath or massage, pj’s, feed, book, bed.
Learning to Self Soothe / Settle: Some babies do this from a young age but others need more support and reassurance. Understand your baby and their characteristics as it might not be something they can do until they are older and developmentally ready. Perhaps its more important to think about how you cope with the waking's to remain calm and share the wake ups with your partner so you can get some sleep yourself. This is where you have to find your own parenting style. You could introduce sleep associations like the same song, patting or sshhing and use that to settle your baby before picking them up. This is for baby's not needing to feed at night and can take time to be accepted.
As you come out of the Fourth Trimester you want to start to try to put baby down for naps / bed when they are drowsy but not fully asleep. Try practicing with the first nap of the day first as it tends to be the easiest. Initially it might only work infrequently but it will gradually increase until they learn to fall asleep independently. It might be they have a short sleep then finish their sleep as a contact nap. This usually leads to longer, more settled periods of sleep at night as they need less help from you to get back to sleep unless they are hungry or unwell.

- Lyndsey Hookway: Holistic Sleep Expert: Instagram / Sleep Guide 0-18 months

- The 5 S's for Soothing Baby For Sleep

- NHS: Helping your baby to sleep

- Find a local Sleep Consultant

Remember all babies are different! Try not to compare. Babies will still want at least one feed at night till well over 6 months and it isn’t uncommon for them to feed at night time over 1 years old. Some babies sleep through the night from really early on, others are awake every 1-2hrs. Some babies will nap brilliantly during the day, others really fight it. It's not likely to be anything you are doing, more about your baby's character. If you had more than one child you'll likely find that they respond different to the same parenting approaches.

There is no right or wrong way to do things, just trial and error till you find what works for you and your family.

Unsettled baby

Why is my baby crying so much?

Crying is a newborn’s main way of communicating. Hunger, tiredness, wind, discomfort, or simply needing closeness are all common reasons. As long as your baby has periods of being settled and appears content after feeding and does sleep even if on you there isn't likely to be anything wrong. But you are your baby's expert and if you have concerns do talk to your Health Visitor about it.

What is colic? Is colic real?

The medical definition is: 3 hours of persistent crying 3 or more days a week.

It can start when a baby a few weeks old and most babies grow out of it by around 3-4 months.

Two theories as to what 'causes' Colic:

Immature gut: not used to processing milk yet (often described as 'windy', a baby draws legs up to tummy, arches back etc.)
Over stimulation: remember that are transitioning from womb to world, easily feel overstimulated, some babies find it more overwhelming that others. Screams, gulps air, traps wind…vicious cycle continues.

Whilst there isn’t a medical ‘treatment’ prescribed for Colic, there are ways we can help:

Immature Gut / Wind: Do Colic Massage, look at ways to reduce wind such as paced bottle feeding, not lay down too soon after feeding, consider seeing a local bodywork specialist to see if they can help (chiro, osteo).
Over Stimulation: Recreate conditions of the womb and Refer to 5 S’s for Soothing Baby

Important to remember that all newborn babies will cry and that’s ok! It’s how they communicate. Society has conditioned us to feel crying is bad and a sign we are failing. We need to take emotional negativity out of crying.

Colic is particularly tough because at times it can feel there is very little you can do to help and settle your baby. Speak to your Health Visitor if you think your baby may be struggling with Colic and consider seeing a bodywork specialist.

Bonding with your baby & supporting their development

I didn't feel an immediate bond with my baby - is that normal? I don't always feel a deep bond with my baby - is that normal?

Some will feel an immediate bond with their baby after birth, whilst for others it grows over time. Whatever you experience is right for you. Sometimes our mental health takes a hit during pregnancy or after our birth experience and this can take time to process. It's believed that it can take up to 8 weeks after birth before a mother may feel ready to talk about her experience. Let's also not underestimate the impact of sleep deprivation on your mood and ability to enjoy time with your baby.

Research shows there are 5 ways to nurture a loving bond between a parent and their baby:

1. Your Smell

2. Positive Touch

3. Oxytocin Hormone (released during positive touch, when feeling safe and relaxed, during breastfeeding)

4. Sound of your voice

5. Eye gazing

I can bet that you and your partner are doing all of the above and in abundance! That's all you need to do to support that bond as it develops over time.

What development stages should I expect in my young baby?

Primitive reflexes are automatic movements that help a baby survive and develop. You will notice the following newborn reflexes:

Rooting: touching babies cheek makes them turn their head, ensures moves toward nipple for feeding
Sucking: takes over once baby’s mouth makes contact with the nipple or teat
Planter (Babinski): touch sole of foot and toes curl
Palmer Grasping: touch Palm of hands they grab
Moro or 'Startle Reflex': when back dropped, for example lowering into their crib, arms fling out
Calming Reflex: Dr Harvey Karp believes all babies born with this. Learn more here.

As the brain develops, higher-level areas take over, and these reflexes become integrated into voluntary movements and postural responses.

For example, the Moro or Startle Reflex fades between 4-6 months as a baby gains better head control, and the Palmar grasp reflex integrates around 3-6 months when a baby learns to control their hands voluntarily, an essential sign of readiness before weaning so they can hold their own spoon and bring food to their mouth. Most primitive reflexes integrate by around 12 months of age.

Eye sight

Newborns are born with blurry, near-sighted vision, but it develops rapidly in the first year, reaching near-adult vision by age one. While newborns see best at close distances and can track movement, their vision quickly improves, allowing for improved colour vision by 2-3 months, better tracking and coordination by 4-6 months - another necessary development before weaning - and the ability to distinguish distance and depth by 10-12 months - helps with crawling and walking stages. Activities like face-to-face interactions and playing with bright, contrasting toys help stimulate vision development.

Physical Development and Mobility

A typical timeline might look like this (remember all baby's develop at their own pace):

4-6 months: tripod sitting, raises head
6-8 months: sitting upright
6-9 months: crawling position and attempting to crawl
9-12 months: crawling
10 months: pulling up and cruising
12 months: stand alone and take first steps, perhaps unsteadily
15-18 months: walking more confidently

First Smile: Starts as self-reflection, develops into a response to faces by 2-3 months

- NHS: Your baby's health and development reviews

What is Tummy Time? My baby hates being on their tummy - is this normal? How much Tummy Time should I be doing?

Tummy time is not simply plonking your baby down on the floor and letting them get on with it. It’s not something you do ‘to’ your baby but rather a wonderful way to ‘be with’ your baby. It’s an amazing position for interactive play and bonding and should always be supervised.

When you start out it can be exhausting and disorientating for your baby and they won’t tolerate it for long. That’s ok, as soon as your little one shows signs of distress you can pick them up. By going slow and steady your little one will learn it's a safe place and develop positive associations with tummy time.

So we need to go at a pace that’s age appropriate and appropriate to how much tummy time they may have experienced already. i.e. an older baby who hasn’t really had regular tummy time can start out as if they were a newborn.

Typically a baby develops motor control from head to toe and from inside - out. i.e a baby develops neck control before control of the muscles required for rolling, sitting, crawling etc. It also means they need a strong core before more refined skills such as feeding themselves with a spoon can develop.

Why should you do it? What are the benefits for your baby?

Tummy time supports the development of baby’s anatomy promoting the natural formation of the spine, dissociation of the pelvis and preventing flat spots on their head.
Gives opportunity to recruit and strengthen their neck, back and core muscles needed for all later milestones and coordinated movements e.g. rolling, crawling, standing, walking.
Supports diaphragmatic function for optimal breathing and link to vagus nerve for stress regulation
Increases sense of limb and joint awareness in relation to themselves and their environment therefore improves coordination
Gives babies a different perspective on the world and chance to explore their senses in a way that supports their cognitive skills, problem solving skills and visual perceptual skills.
Opportunity for playful, loving interaction with their mum or day or caregiver, supporting attachment and emotional health and wellbeing - serotonin, oxytocin, creates a positive association that builds each time

How long should your baby enjoy Tummy Time each day?

It’s safe to start tummy time from birth. Without wanting to be prescriptive, a guide would be:

a newborn would experience 1-5 minutes of tummy time 3-4 times a day in loving, nurturing holds

this can increase from 3 months old to roughly 60-90 minutes total over a day, So this would be bite sized tummy time sessions of 5-10 minutes each that could work alongside other things you need to do in the day.

Build up a baby’s exposure to tummy time play over time, adding 1 minute every 4 or 5 days.

Remember, we’re after a ‘balanced play diet’ so tummy time is just a part of this overall picture. And it’s a gradual process, working at the pace that suits your baby best.

- For examples of poses for different ages and play inspiration watch my Free Tummy Time Workshop here.

Maternal Mental Health & Wellbeing

Is it normal to feel teary / down or numb / overwhelmed all the time?

It's important to know when low mood is part of normal postnatal recovery, there's a lot to process, it's a huge change and you're very sleep deprived, or something more. So if you struggle to feel any joy during your day and for several days in a row, perhaps experience intrusive thoughts, very anxious, this would certainly be a sign to talk to your partner and perhaps seek advice from your Health Visitor or GP. Only you can know what you're really feeling and even if you do feel some joy but are struggling to cope do reach out to someone.

Sources of information and support:

- Maternal Mental Health Alliance

- Postnatal Information at Mind

- Mental Health and Wellbeing at Tommys

- NHS Find care for your mental health before, during and after birth

- The Birth Trauma Association

Another way to support your mental health is to spend time in nature. Research has proven there are many health benefits to spending even just 20 minutes outside so those nap lap walks really are doing you some good and I don't just mean the step count!

Attending mum groups too can help as connecting to other mums who can truly relate to what you're going through can make a difference. I host monthly Mum & Baby Coffee Mornings for this very reason so do check them out when you're ready.

Got a question?

Feel free to get in touch with any questions you have or if you'd like to buy a gift voucher for an expectant or new mum.

Send me a message here

rose@birthandmore.co.uk