I'm not privileged because I'm at the school gates

A Dad at school was asking the parent WhatsApp group something and I suggested he catch the teacher at pick up about it.

His response really affected me:

"I don't have the privilege of being at pick up."

Said another way it may have come across as a complement.

But to me it felt like a put down.

Now maybe part of that is the constant sense that 'people' assume I don't have a 'proper job' and must have loads of free time!

A huge part of why it offended me so much is because I'm not at the school gates everyday because of privilege.

I'm there because of the choices and sacrifices I've made since becoming a mum.

Before that I had a corporate career, commuting into London, to work for an international company.

But the tension I was feeling between trying to perform and be productive at work part time whilst also being a fully present mum the rest of the time was making me ill.

As the default parent I had to make a change. It was hard, really hard. It changed my identity and the dynamic with my husband. I still question whether it was the right decision some days.

So yes I am at the school gates every day, and the dentist appointments and swimming lessons...but that was not born out of privilege. 

Never assume a stay at home mum, or working mum or a mum trying to earn some money during nap times is privileged. She's juggling various roles and numerous lists and she's probably tired, anxious and goes to bed thinking she could have done more or been better.

This is the reality for so many after having a baby and is so often invisible.

But If that's you then I see you! And you know what, you're doing amazing!

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Rose

Mum's at the school gate everyday have often worked hard to make that possible