What to tell her when you says she can't do it anymore - Tips for Birth Partners when mum is struggling during labour

When might this happen?

When she first realises she’s in labour she may feel anxious. Suddenly this is real! Reassure her and support her through it.

As things progress she may say it like she really means it...

She might have been coping well during active labour but now she’s started to panic and doubt herself...why?

During the Transition Phase of labour, contractions are their most intense and her system is given spikes of adrenaline.

It’s the adrenaline that is talking.

Why does this happen?

Adrenaline brings much needed energy boosts.

But it also brings negative emotions: fear, panic, doubt.

The combination of intense physical sensations and negative emotions can really impact her mindset and her physical progress.

What should I say? Words to support mums during labour.

“You have been doing it and you can do it just a little bit longer.”

“You’re strong. I can see how powerful you are.”

“I’m right here - we’ll do this together.”

“I’ve seen you do hard things before. I know you can do this now.”

Believe in her.

Confidence comes from self-belief. She may be struggling with that right now. Let her see how much you believe in her instead.

Be strong for her. Be her cheerleader.

What can I do?

Bring her back to the basics: calm her breathing by doing the breathing techniques and maintaining eye contact. She’ll start to mirror you.

Don’t say: “Just breathe.” Trust me!

Use her motivation. What is it you’re looking forward to most about being parents? Where are you looking forward to taking baby one day? Paint the scene.

Remind her what this is all for.

Help her be more comfortable. Does she need to change position? Would a cool compress on her neck help? Is the room how she wanted it? Minimise disruption - less talking more subtle support.

She’s working really hard and needs your support to get this done.

I include lots of practical tips and the reality of birth in my 121 antenatal classes and group Pregnancy Yoga classes in Dorking, Surrey.

Get in touch if you’d like my support to feel confident about birth.

Things to say to mum when she's struggling during labour.